I've read about nutrition and health for most of my life now. I was very excited to hear about Dr. Terry Wahls book about overcoming autoimmune disease (MS mainly, though this protocol would cure most conditions including Hypothyroidism and Depression & Anxiety). I'm currently reading it and she strongly suggests journaling. Specific questions:
1. How do you feel today?
Extremely weak and fatigued, upset stomach, anxiety, depression, headache, sinus pressure, itchy eyes. Yeah, just peachy.
2. What did you do just for yourself today?
Bought stuff for smoothies including safe (non-goitrogenic) greens and seaweed, took the day off from work due to extreme fatigue.
3. What did you eat today? How did it make you feel?
I had the usual black coffee and my meds for breakfast, niacin powder, lots of smoothie, too many Quest Bars (because they're so YUMMY and I know they have got to go while I'm on this protocol. So what better way to dispose of them? Feeling horrible.
4. Did you exercise today?
No. I planned to but was cleaning my oven and the house got smoked up, and I was way too worn out anyway.
5. For whom are you grateful? What matters most in your life?
My kids, Hayley and Skip, are the most important people in my life. I'm grateful for them, my Dad, Matt and his girls, my friends, my job. What matters to me individually is being able to exercise and furthering my education in order to help others get well through nutrition and exercise.
6. Do you have a higher purpose or driving force in your life?
My mission in life is to cure my autoimmune disorder so that I may function and live to my highest potential and pass that along by helping others to do the same.
7. I have been treated with conventional medicine for 20 years now and I'd have to say there has to be a better way.
8. The first time I had symptoms were while I was pregnant with my son, Skip. During the pregnancy I gained 80 lbs and was exhausted all the time. After the pregnancy, it got worse and I had all I could do to take care of him when all I wanted to do was sleep. My doctor kept telling me it was allergies, and when I lamented about not being able to lose weight, he said "Yeah, our metabolism slows down as we age." I was 28!!!! I bought the book "Prescription for Nutritional Healing" and diagnosed myself as hypothyroid. I needed the blood test from the doctor in order to have a prescription for the medication. Reluctantly, he gave me the blood test and came in to tell me the results with his head hanging. I was VERY hypothyroid and needed a high dose of medication to treat it! Over the first years, I researched the best medication because my symptoms weren't clearing up and had to fight to be put on Armour Thyroid, but won that battle. I've never trusted my health to a doctor since!
9. The symptoms most troublesome to me today are my extreme fatigue and depression/anxiety. Brain fog sucks too.
10. I do blame myself for things. Like, the first time I heard about a diet that could cure my symptoms was probably 18 or 19 years ago and I NEVER did it!! I could be healthy by now!
11. My stress level has been super high all week, with my Dad in the hospital and having an adult son with Aspergers who I'm trying to keep employed despite his state-funded transportation making him late for work!!
12. I could start this protocol TOMORROW and exercise to make tomorrow a better day!
There, Dr. Wahls, that's the start of my journal.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Fear
Fear is my greatest enemy. I was looking at a photo of myself when I was 26 and I was absolutely beautiful and had no idea. Back then, I was going through some terrible things. My daughter had just disclosed that her father had been abusing her (she was about to turn 5), I was pregnant with my son and basically homeless, hiding out from my abusive ex and starting a new relationship with my son's father. I had no time to work on myself or build myself up. Fear held me prisoner for many years.
One day when I was 32, I realized all the years of therapy for my daughter were finally paying off and she was now old enough to watch her brother so I could work. I had some help with babysitters and after school care for him, but after a while it was the two of them for a couple of hours after school or vacations and holidays.
Anyway, I suffered and had to be on meds for anxiety and depression when I first started going to work. For several years I had been home with a hyperactive/PTSD daughter and small child. We only ever went to the grocery store or Wal Mart, and the entire time I had to keep one eye on my daughter and immediately remove her from the store if she started to get out of control. Half the time we got to take our groceries home.
I saw a book cover back then which said "Fear Eveything but DO It Anyway". That's it, I never read the book. That title gave me the kick in the pants I needed to get going and have a real life.
Well, all I've done is work and raise kids. Now I'm getting to just about "middle age" and there is certainly a lot of fear around what comes next. I've been without a partner for just long enough to need space and time alone, but still imagine how nice it would be to have someone to come home to at night. I imagine it would be comforting even if he were snoring in a recliner. However, that does not seem to be my destiny.
A Shaman I saw a year or so ago told me my destiny was to walk the earth alone, doing more important things than taking care of a man or being in a relationship. Well, I guess I'm doing some important things by reaching out to others and spending time with people who seem to benefit from it. But now, my son with Aspergers may be moving out within the next year. It seems that he may have advanced all that he can while living with me and may make more progress in assisted living. Part of me marvels at what that newfound freedom might bring, while part of me is terrified of being completely alone.
It is what it is, I guess, and I'll deal with it when the time comes. I can imagine filling up my time with after-work activities and Medieval events on the weekend. But what will I do without the nightly routine of coming in the door, throwing down my things, and exchanging "Hello" and "Hello" with my son?
This marker asks you to identify how fear may be affecting you on this part of your journey. Are you afraid of failure? Perhaps you’re worried about success and the changes it brings, as it pushes you to be all you can be. Are you afraid of losing something you don’t yet have? Is your fear valid? Have you seen actual evidence of adversity and trouble, or are you seeingfalse evidence, which gives theappearance of being real?
Fear is a crippling companion, and indicates a loss of faith and connection to the Divine. Remember that the God/Goddess doesn’t give you anything that you can’t handle.
Fear comes from the part of you that identifies with separation, division, and form. To release yourself from it, remember that you are first and foremost an infinite soul. Look through those eyes, and the fear will subside as you remember to trust the way of the Mystery.
Don’t struggle with fear. Look inside; see the part of you that is afraid; and send love, light, and compassion inward. This would be a very good time to write an inventory of your fears and their possible solutions. Once on paper, you may find that you’ve been afraid of fear itself. This is an auspicious omen of transformation.
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